View Full Version : Shame & Self-Esteem

04-15-2014, 09:57 PM
Note: Spin-Off thread, continued from Paradox Power (http://forum.alchemyforums.com/showthread.php?3797-Paradox-Power&p=34473#post34473).

We are One.

Everything is a cycle.

To not let the topic be covered with 'blanket statements', I would like to continue the line Androgynus and Bryan Franklin are drawing here...


That's what they call humbleness - To look at my own image in the mirror and to honestly ask myself - what is it that I really want.

Even the thought about it makes me feel ashamed...

But to be honest, I prefer the 'shame for wanting something' instead of the 'shame for not doing, what I want to do'.

04-16-2014, 12:05 AM
Bubu ...

There's a key line in the Bryan Franklin TED Talk ...

" ... because it wasn't true in the first place."

Just this morning, I responded [privately] to a young woman friend on Facebook that had posted what I called a "mini manifesto/rant," where she reeled against the expectations of others. It was well put (although I will not repeat it here to both save space and respect her privacy), and ended with the basic [paraphrasing] "screw-you-all-if-you're-not-going-to-support-my-pursuit-of-happiness."

Obviously, she was "shamed" into making her statements. If she had felt no shame, there would have been no reason to make them.

Disagree with me (over the shame aspect) if you like, but I know -- and concur with her -- because I've been there.

Whether by chance/default or design, there is a contrived social structure you have been exposed to since you were born that is hell-bent on the utter destruction of your self-esteem. I won't go into detail of the construct here, but I think we'd all agree to this point to one degree or another, small or large.

There are those of us (my friend included) -- although we are few -- that reject the paradigm.

Over time, I have learned (and am still learning) to shed any remnant of externally imposed "shame." Of course, there will be some degree of internally imposed shame ... the shame of myself when I haven't complete my Daily Do List and taken a nap instead ... the shame (on myself of myself) when I've forgotten to wish someone a happy birthday ... but in none of that process will I allow or accept the shame others may attempt to impose on me. My life is simply none of their business ... not societal constructs or expectations, not religious dogma, not political entrapments ... my life is my business and it's no one else's business what consequences or lack of consequence I experience.

Of course, every aspect of that mindset hinges on not doing harm to others ... and harm however menial or severe.

Then again, there's another aspect of "harm."

If I am not being the best "me" I can be, even that will inflict some small degree of harm to others -- and that "me" must be my vision of myself, not someone else's version or expectation.

I responded to my friend's manifesto/rant with the following ...

"By the way ... Your mini manifesto/rant was well put ... and more people have been there than care to admit it. The one way to condense the message ... well ... two ... is ... Joseph Campbell: 'Follow your bliss.' Don Sweet: 'Seek joy' "

If you are seeking someone else's version of joy, there is no mechanism in the Universe that will lead you to joy.

Your "shame" should be in the fact that you haven't sought your own joy so that you may be joyful in the presence of others.

A fringe benefit is: Leadership is not "taking" or forcing. Leadership is "being," and in a light that may, if only merely by chance, be an inspiration to others to also "be."

04-16-2014, 12:21 AM
You also might want to watch this ...


04-16-2014, 06:06 PM
Don, I thank you for sharing your thoughts. Unfortunately, I see that you have a conversation with yourself. I won't interrupt you and I won't follow you either. I think it's private. It's between you and yourself.

04-16-2014, 07:18 PM
BD I will make a bold statement and say that the majority of people don't know what they really want as they are too busy
achieving what they believe other people want them to want, trying to be what other people want them to be and when they
realise it it's too late...

Mark Twain said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

Aristotle said, "“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Put the two together and we might be a happier race of people.

Pleasing others is not always the best course of action...in fact it is probably the root of much misery for many people. Having said
that I don't mean it is good to be selfish, just to balance things out.

It would make things a lot easier if people pleased themselves and everyone accepted it.


04-17-2014, 04:38 AM
Shame is ruthlessly used to control people in plenty of societies with bodies and sex leading the way. Shame causes fear and blockages to knowing one's self. One takes responsibility for one's self in Alchemy. The only thing one can change is one's self. As J. R. Haule put it, one must go "beyond good and evil".