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Amon

  1. Naming the flaws

    After this very brief review of my life, its now time to engage the 1st of the processes, namely calcination. I will begin by identifying the traits i see as flaws in myself.

    Lethargy: Probably the strongest and most obvious one.
    Weak willpower: self explanatory.
    Defeatism: Could be spawning from my pessimistic view, although not entirely.

    Other flaws i could name are, i believe, children of these 3 prime ones. Such as ill temper, socially awkward, lack ...
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  2. On the way into adulthood

    During the rest of my time at school, few things happened . One memorable thing was the depressive state i was in, each day i had to wake up and drag myself to this pathetic excuse of an educational center. I literally hated it. To add to that, i disliked most of my classmates. Their constant babbling about nonsense really acted like a drill in my head. My perception of the world was quite pessimistic and i wanted nothing more than to somehow escape this shithole we called a "civilized society". ...
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  3. High School memories

    As expressed in the last input, i always felt as sort of an outsider at school thanks to the nickname "black boy" that i was given. I believe its this feeling of not belonging somewhere, that led me to later join a bully team who would mainly harass this mentally retarded child who had the bad habbit of eating his own snot. Despite the bad nature of the group, there was a floating sense of inclusiveness, in which i felt welcomed, and acted as enough of a drug to not let me immediately ...
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  4. School years

    After kindergarten, there came the time to level up to primary school. I spent my 1st year on a private school, to which my mother drove me everyday. This is the first time i remember experiencing a somewhat significant social anxiety. When i first sat down in that class, among complete strangers, i can clearly re-experience this distinct feeling of cold sweat and increased heartbeat, sharpened senses and the like. When the time came to leave, i walked outside the school doors and after one minute ...
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  5. Nebulous Memories

    Its hard to pinpoint your earliest memory, especially when you fail to recall the age during which it was recorded. As a result, i will simply gather all the fragmented memories from before moving to my current location.

    My parents were divorced, and i was staying with my mother and her side of the family. There would be around 4-5 females in the house with no males present aside from me. I was the center of attention at that point (until the age of 7 i think). My grandmother was ...
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