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elixirmixer

EM; my bro got Leukemia.

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My awesome younger brother has been diagnosed with stage 4 T-cell Lymphoma. A very rare type of blood cancer, only about 10 people in Australia have this type of condition.

Its hitting the family very hard. Josh is the family favourite and we are all very scared that we are losing an incredible man so young. I think he's about 24. Im very sad. A broken man.

Today is my wedding anniversary. 4 years married to an absolute gorgeous angel of a woman, but i can't seem to get in the mood.

I just got the call from my Nan. "Congratulations on your wedding anniversary, your brother is dying."

Im fucking crushed.

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  1. Awani's Avatar
    Awani -
    I can only relate, and speak from, my own prespective when my first daughter was stillborn a couple weeks before the expected date. There are two parts to it, in my view.

    1. Pain and sorrow is part of the ego... it's a bigger version of loosing your wallet or breaking a much loved ornament or something... a much bigger version... yet rooted in the same place... something that I wanted, something that was mine... that I did not get. When I understood this it became much easier.

    2. Nothing can die. Everything is eternal. The person that dies is doing just fine... the people around the dying/dead are the ones in the most pain (the ones trapped in their own ego)... so this also helped because even if there is pain, worry and sorrow for the dying pre-death... in the moment of death and right after everything is fine... perhaps even awesome...

    Nothing wrong feeling sad about a loved one dying. That is natural. But grief can be either empowering or it can be overpowering. For me, personally, the above 2 perspectives - when joined - made my own grief much easier to manage... it also changed my outlook on life... what was important, and what was not.

    ------------------------------------

    Everyone needs different things, the above might not be something you want to hear. I just wrote it, because it worked for me... if it helps you, great... if not, ignore it.

    In either case I wish you and your brother and family a miracle... and if no miracle comes, I wish for a smooth and peaceful transition into the grand divine mystery!

    Love from Awani.

  2. elixirmixer's Avatar
    elixirmixer -
    Your love is graciously accepted Awani. Your right about the ego thing and your right about it either being empowering or crushing. i think for me right now it will be both. i feel all non-sense and stupidity fleeing from me due to this experience; which as we all know is a great blessing.

    If anyone has any miracles to donate, now would be a great time. Its great to at least have somewhere to express my highs.. and lows.. much appreciated, as usual.
  3. Awani's Avatar
    Awani -
    My words are only written in the spirit of support, since I cannot truly know/do/say anything "right" in a situation like this.

    ...all non-sense and stupidity fleeing from me due to this experience; which as we all know is a great blessing...
    Everything is a blessing... only time, growth and your own death (moving into the next realm) will fully reveal what a major blessing everything is (good or bad - no such thing). My own tragedy was an initiation of the highest order... and by seeing it as one, it really helped in my humble opinion... and it seems to me you are already in that mind-set... even if your grief feels very heavy. That is natural.

    An initiation is always horrible, crushing and scary... if it is not, it isn't an initiation at all... there is nothing wrong with grief... yes it is part of ego... but ALSO it is an expression of love... so there is a pure beauty in grief as well... in the cries of grief is the face of the Divine Mystery (what you probably see as God)... pure love...

    I am sure you agree that in such moments of tragedy it baffles the mind how people out there in the world can feel it is important to have more money, more stuff or more power... to initiate war and hate only to advance the material wealth and the power over others... it baffles me how so much energy and effort and work can go into ALL those things when they mean nothing... when peace (in all aspects) for those we love is the only thing that really matters.

    Celebrate your marriage EVEN more in a time like this... because it only shows how fleeting everything is... "The moments of our life are not expendable..."

    Re-read this poem if you are in the mood.

    Updated 09-13-2018 at 05:02 PM by Awani