Finding the prima materia
by
on 07-16-2021 at 12:17 AM (5157 Views)
So lately, for the past couple years and increasingly so, especially this last couple months, I've really had the urge to just get a girlfriend on the side of my marriage and enjoy the last of my youth to its maximum potential.
This is conflicting, to my views around adultery and sexuality.
But I've been getting very close, ha been antagonizing arguments with my wife cause I've basically just wanted to get kicked out so I can breathe and be free and have some different sex (all of this is obviously super selfish, my wife is a really lovely person, really loyal, and certainly goes above and beyond in the bedroom to the typical person, so the fact that my unsashabke desires cannot be satisfied is really not her problem it's mine)
However last night, after a big argument I conceded to both God and my wife and uncommitted myself to casting away the listings, and focusing on fixing the things at home.
When I had truely made the decision to give up my dreams of snapping up a younger, funner, girl to generate joy a with me, and focus on working harder on compromisingwith my wife, then bang. Got revelation about the prima materia.
It was like God knew that I was goi g to spend the Paying cash on going the south east Asia and rooting myself half to death, but as soon anal made the commitment not to do that then He was like "pkay you're ready now" and now what has been fairly close to me this entire time, and was once rather mysterious and not well understood by me, is now blatantly obvious and I feel silly today knowing that all this time it was basically just sexual sin holding me back from my destiny.
Thanks everyone for your inspiration and guidance. I'll let you know how it goes.