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elixirmixer

Finding the prima materia

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So lately, for the past couple years and increasingly so, especially this last couple months, I've really had the urge to just get a girlfriend on the side of my marriage and enjoy the last of my youth to its maximum potential.

This is conflicting, to my views around adultery and sexuality.

But I've been getting very close, ha been antagonizing arguments with my wife cause I've basically just wanted to get kicked out so I can breathe and be free and have some different sex (all of this is obviously super selfish, my wife is a really lovely person, really loyal, and certainly goes above and beyond in the bedroom to the typical person, so the fact that my unsashabke desires cannot be satisfied is really not her problem it's mine)

However last night, after a big argument I conceded to both God and my wife and uncommitted myself to casting away the listings, and focusing on fixing the things at home.

When I had truely made the decision to give up my dreams of snapping up a younger, funner, girl to generate joy a with me, and focus on working harder on compromisingwith my wife, then bang. Got revelation about the prima materia.

It was like God knew that I was goi g to spend the Paying cash on going the south east Asia and rooting myself half to death, but as soon anal made the commitment not to do that then He was like "pkay you're ready now" and now what has been fairly close to me this entire time, and was once rather mysterious and not well understood by me, is now blatantly obvious and I feel silly today knowing that all this time it was basically just sexual sin holding me back from my destiny.

Thanks everyone for your inspiration and guidance. I'll let you know how it goes.

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  1. elixirmixer's Avatar
    elixirmixer -
    Oh gosh. I apologize for the hideous grammar. I can never find the edit button for blog posts I'm afraid.

    For those of you in ESL to summerise: God gave me the prima materia when I started showing my wife more love and respect and cast away my desire for other women.
  2. Awani's Avatar
    Awani -
    I've learned three things:

    1. Younger women are overrated.
    2. Porn is evil and not real and fucks with your head.
    3. A lot of biking lowers the "urges".

  3. Jimmy Rig's Avatar
    Jimmy Rig -
    I hope you stick to your guns on this one sir. It takes courage to admit ones struggles/faults.
    I have had my fair share of struggles in the lust department as well but luckily for me god has been more than patient and knew the right woman to put into my life (and I in hers I might add).
    It sounds to me like you have a gift in form of another to share your life experience with who loves you through the ups and downs and IMO this is more valuable than any alchemical realizations.

    Totally agree on the porn sentiments and I cant remember the last time I went into that ditch.
  4. Christophorus's Avatar
    Christophorus -
    Elixirmixer, Yesod tests are tricky...
    God works in mysterious ways. May His grace be with you always.
  5. Christophorus's Avatar
    Christophorus -
    Quote Originally Posted by Awani
    I've learned three things:

    1. Younger women are overrated.
    2. Porn is evil and not real and fucks with your head.
    3. A lot of biking lowers the "urges".

    So true.
  6. elixirmixer's Avatar
    elixirmixer -
    Quote Originally Posted by Christophorus
    Elixirmixer, Yesod tests are tricky...
    God works in mysterious ways. May His grace be with you always.
    I find this an interesting comment to make.

    Is sexual temptation a Yesod thing?

    What other things are Yesod tests?
  7. Christophorus's Avatar
    Christophorus -
    I can only give you my vision of it.

    From my experience, Yesod is very tricky. The tree, as I experience it, is a map. A map where we can recognize what life presents us daily in life. The way we respond to those tests (in life = the territory) leaves marks in our conscience so that:

    1) we experience something similar again (if we fail the test) with a higher strength - this is, causing us more pain - so that we can react to it bringing it to our "ground" in order to overcome it, or defeat it.
    2) a victory that opens a new path to a new world or sphere - This means that the "threshold guardian" will retreat to the next level, where new tests will be presented in a more subtle way etc

    Yesod is the foundation, so the better we build on it, the better and stronger will be the columns of the temple that are standing ahead. So after the Kingdom and the body well being, the domain over the emotional waters, or lunar side, it's a must.
    A well-balanced tempered emotion wins over the sexual impulse because the sexual impulse is a consequence and not a cause. If you go deep into yourself, you will find that the cause is other than the sex. It is in you. Not in the "objects" of your desire. The way to overcame must be something higher than that, something that is not from this world, in this case, Love. If love is manifested, all the tests in that field will be won.
    Same for everything else: Think about pride, for instance, and how it manipulates us in Yesod until is sublimed by humility. How many brothers in the art lost the stone because of it? Pride is not a sentiment, is a passion. Not a cause, but a consequence.

    You won! Hold that victory!

    All paths and spheres have a binary resonance. To some, Yesod is the sphere of illusions, to others, it reflects the virtues of all the tree of life. See below.

    Matthew 7:24-27: King James Version

    Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

    And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

    Sorry about the size of the text.
  8. Jimmy Rig's Avatar
    Jimmy Rig -
    Hi Christophorus,

    Thanks for your post; You gave me lots to reflect upon.

    Take care
  9. Christophorus's Avatar
    Christophorus -
    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Rig
    Hi Christophorus,

    Thanks for your post; You gave me lots to reflect upon.

    Take care
    It's just my perspective Jimmy, with my own limitations.
    I always consider our/my truth to be a very very very small fraction of the Real Truth; the Truth that "tenebrae eam non comprehenderunt".
  10. Kibric's Avatar
    Kibric -
    When I had truely made the decision to give up my dreams of snapping up a younger, funner, girl to generate joy a with me, and focus on working harder on compromisingwith my wife, then bang. Got revelation about the prima materia.
    What the hell is this rubbish.
    Its all about you. Younger funnier girl ? Is just there for your self esteem. Fuck...

    It was like God knew that I was goi g to spend the Paying cash on going the south east Asia and rooting myself half to death, but as soon anal made the commitment not to do that then He was like "pkay you're ready now"*
    What the fuck is wrong with you.

    it was basically just sexual sin holding me back from my destiny.
    I suppose your destiny is the stone right ?

    From what i just read. Your hideous character is holding you back from whatever man you used to be.

    You think " God " cares that you were a good boy and chose not to sleep around. Well done. What a moral victory.
    You didnt cheat on your wife.

    You got this God thing backward.