elixirmixer

Oops didn't mean to end the blog there.

Everything happens for a reason they say, and this sudden shift was exactly what I needed to evolve myself.

I am 31 days into my 40 day fast and the majority of my vices have been swept clean. The ego has shrunken somewhat thank Baby Jesus, as it was the ego that led me to the calamity in the first place.

Now I am but a lowley farmer trying not to stare to death. I also happen to be sitting on some of the richest clays in the world which may prove fruitful when I get back into the Alchemy groove.

Also, I just want to testify that the 40 day fast is no where near as hard as it sounds in the mind. The body has some amazing mechanisms for keeping itself alive. As long as you take electrolytes. Without electrolytes you will very likely die. But ketosis is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to extended fasting.

Autophagy. That's where it's at. Look it up. I just did 8 hours of labour yesterday. Having not eatten in 30 days. And felt perfectly fine.

Autophagy baby.

Good to hear you are so positive in moving forward Mr. Mixer.

Our prayers are with you.

Care to elaborate how you managed all that in such a short time?

Everything is possible when you have nothing left to lose.

Some may even say this the is true freedom.

Originally Posted by elixirmixer

In a single day I lost:

My home
My wife
My children
My car
My reputation
My money
My possessions
My laboratory.

All I have left is my camping gear and my block of land, which is also at risk because I have huge debt.

-----------------------------------------------

Originally Posted by elixirmixer

The ego has shrunken somewhat thank Baby Jesus, as it was the ego that led me to the calamity in the first place.

1. What's wrong with Adult Jesus?

2. If you already mentioned ego... I think your sign is Aquarius, right? Aquarians generally tend to believe they always know everything, which can cause many problems. It's OK to seek help from friends and acquaintances, but from a more "humble" place. Leo is the "opposite" sign of Aquarius, and I'm a Leo myself. Leos don't think they know everything, but they usually have other people around them, to delegate to Both Leo and Aquarius are Fixed Signs (as are Taurus and Scorpio), which usually (also) means stubborn as fuck... But in very different ways... This stubbornness must be kept in check and/or applied constructively, otherwise it will be our downfall.

However, ultimately, Astrology must be transcended altogether...

Bon Voyage!

I was at my peak of business crypto cowboy-ing. I was invited to a business trip/party for Algorand in Brisbane (Algorand is a big blockchain project like Ethereum but not quite as big.

For the first time.in my life I bought some cocaine because I didn't want to look like a loser at the after party with all the rich people.

It was about 2am and I was approx 24 beers in. The guys that sold me the cocaine invited me to the pub. Turns out it wasn't a pub. It was a strip joint. Not 5 minutes had gone past and one of the girls had dragged me into the toilets and was making out with me.

She offered to do some.other things which I declined.

Anyway long story short I woke up the next morning and I had her handbag. She had left it in the toilet and I tried to return it to her but she had run off with her friend. I thought it was fine because we were going to hang out at the casino later that night anyway.

I never saw her again but I did get in touch with her about her bag. I was tempted to have an affair. For about 2 days while I was at a real estate convention in the Goldcoast. (Not far from Brisbane where I met her)

I awoke to my senses and decided I was being a test and needed to go home to my wife and be a better husband. I had a list on my phone of everything my wife had been asking me to do in order to be a better husband. I was clinging to this list desperately knowing that I had been close to making some critical mistakes.

I arrived home, and then headed out tot he land to build my giant copper pyramid to prepare for my 40 day fast. (Our home.was close to the property I own, which is where I live now, in a tent)

I got back home from staying the night at the land, O ly to find that all of my shit was out on the lawn. I had posted the strippers bag back to her, and stupidly had out my name on the bag.

The girl was not happy that I blocked her. She had contacted my wife, and told her many, many lies. My wife believes them, still does to this day, and went on a complete and utter warpath. I won't go into the details because it would be too much to write, but it can be summed up by this old saying:

"He'll knows no fury, like a woman's scorn"

She destroyed me. After kicking the crap out of me for two weeks she called the police and told them I had assumed her. Which they believed of course and I was removed from the house and had a restraining order placed on me. She then took another man into my bed and that is the end of that 11 year long relationship.

That is the short version Andro. It was actually significantly worse that that but my thumbs cannot type it all. I am limited to my phone.

Oh and crypto destroyed me. At the exact same time. I think I've lost about $130,000aud this year. And counting.

I am pretty broken. I don't really know what I am going to do at this point. I am trying to plant food at the moment since sprong is about to bring here, but I've never really farmed before, have no budget. And I'm pretty sure a kangaroo is just going to eat the entire crop in the middle.of the night and there isn't much I can do about it.

I am basically begging that we will see a strong reversal in the crypto markets soon, however, I honestly find that rather unlikely.

Trying to be positive Mr Black. But honestly it takes me seriously digging deep to bring up some positivity. And it gets rocked fairly easily considering I haven't eatten in 31 days, some dumbass tradie is in my bed enjoying my 10 years of efforts, and I'm beyond broke.

I guess the good things are:
I've lost weight.
I've gotten fitter.
If I ever get out of this mess I have learnt to behave myself
My desires have become pure and simplistic
I've conquered many vices.
I'm not dead.

I guess the inner world has made some progress at the cost of everything else.

I'm still a useless hermetic and I am actually scared of alchemy now because after almost two decades of failure I'm not sure I can take another rejection from my one true love.

I just say Baby Jesus as a replacement word for God just so I don't get people's backs up so much if I mention the forbidden "G" word

Women, drugs & booze are seemingly always leading to your downfall, time and time again, and apparently worse each time.

I'd say, better stay single and celibate, at least for a while...

And stay away from ALL types of substance abuse. Buying cocaine so you don't "look like a loser"? WTF were you thinking?

If your relationship has been going through so much conflict over the years, maybe, just maybe, it was already a toxic and incompatible relationship from the start.

IMO you should just move on from it and never look back. See how easily replaceable you've been to her.

You may also have to do the unspeakable: Get a job. Rent a cheap flat in some town. Don't isolate yourself at this stage.

But look for Spirit connections, not for physical/romantic/sexual sexual ones. Lust is not love, and neither is guilt.

Put EVERYTHING in the past and leave it there. Just let go of all that was and of all that you used to be.

Re-build yourself back from scratch, and do a better job this time.

Learn from past mistakes and don't EVER repeat them. Otherwise you'll remain stuck in the same loop.

No problem saying "God" here, or "Baby Shiva" or "Teenage Zeus" or "Old Chronos" or "Middle-Aged Crisis-Isis" or whatever, as long as you don't start preaching.

Whatever gets you through the night. Whatever works, use it! (as long as it' not destroying you)

Good luck and keep us updated.

I'm looking forward to hearing from the new and improved (evolved) Mr. Mixer.
Keep fit and healthy as that will assist you through this period of transition.

I agree completely Andro.

Celibacy is the new sex. And yes it was toxic for both of us. Dispite the sting, and dispite the heavy loses, I am glad it is over (other than the impact on the children)

She might be giving me half custody once I have rebuilt which is nice.

The plan now is to go back to computer programming. Study my butt off, get that job at Google, and build my hobby farm.

And I can most assuredly claim, that not a single malicious substance is ever entering this body again. I have endured too much to get it all out only to out it back in.

I have been studying cooking and nutrition a LOT. And I am replacing the substance abuse with epic home cooked meals that assist me to feel good.

This hurt. This whole experience was probably the most painful of all the loops around the merry-go-round. But it was necessary. I am a resilient person and so was my ego. It was going to take nothing less than a complete shattering for me to wake up to my own crap.

And I have decided to give Alchemy another dance

Thankyou for the support gentleman.

Look you had nothing and quickly built it into something. You can easily do that again.

Also...

Awe man sorry to hear about that avalanche of personal carnage.
I suspect that at times, crossroads such as these can provide an opportunity for a change of direction and a rebounding of sorts into a new path.
I do hope you and your family are able to reconcile even if separate or not able to work things out it is unfortunate if relationships need be written off (especially the kids.)
This reconciliation will likely take patience on your part as it sounds like you are the offending party in this case.

Either way I wish you the best of luck and your never really alone. Things will turn around and the sun will rise tomorrow.

Also @ Awani; LOL

Investigate ''Crossing'' and if you manage to completely annihilate your personality, what is left for you to care about anything? There's nothing left. Like a Baby going goo-goo gaga you're renewed, go for it, revisit that childhood experience by bringing it back to present day.

Even glimpsing the state of ''Being'' temporary can give you a yearning for more. It'll keep you coming back I'm sure until you've completely crossed over for good, unless you allow distractions or Samsara to seduce you with ''pleasures'' AND ''problems'' and ''pain''.