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The pains of transformation.

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Day 4 of no: alcohol, cigarettes, marijiwana, and masterbation.

I have a serious headache, my anxiety it's through the roof, I washed myself three times over in the shower and still fell dirty.

I'm stressed out, cannot deal with the 'patter of little feet' being a prick to my wife, it really is a time of dark energy evacuation, and as they are forced out of my life and home, they are kicking and screaming.

Cold sweats, a sharp dive in sexual arousal, my back and shoulders are unusually tense, which feelings I usually associate with my anxiety.

Exercise does help, however i have to be in a pretty good mood to break through the body tension and start to move around.

I think I'm losing some weight which is not a bad thing. Finding it hard to get through Franz Bardons first steps because they are all about mind control and this detoxification makes the mind very stuffy and weak.

Example: I was practising bardon about a month ago when I was smoking and drinking and had much better success.

Schmuldvich said he would help me if I 'sobered up'. And he fuckin better after all I'm going through!! Lol, actually it is the bardon training that has spurred this training along and also, Andro at some stage mentioned that marijiwana makes OBE very difficult and since that is my main objective right now, I had no choice but to forsake that beautiful sexy herb.

Bardon says you shouldn't talk about your 'ascent' but he's dead and what he doesn't know won't hurt him ;)

My mouth tastes like poo and smells even worse. This blog entry is to deter youngsters from getting themselves in a position where they have a decade of drug abuse to try to reverse. Much better to never get involved with this shithouse narcotics in the first place.

I will revisit this blog further down the track, to (hopefully) show how good I'll feel in a few weeks to come...


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  1. Andro's Avatar
    Andro -
    Glad to hear you're doing this. It may take a while, but you will reap the rewards.

    It Gets Better...
  2. elixirmixer's Avatar
    elixirmixer -
    Thank you Andro. Encouragment through this is highly valued. Thank you.
  3. Axismundi000's Avatar
    Axismundi000 -
    Bardon's stuff isnt really about asceticism but compared to the lifestyle you are finishing with it must seem that way at the moment. Once the drug vestiges clear you will start to progress better.
  4. black's Avatar
    black -
    I have also given up the booze and drugs some time ago.

    It's not easy but it all comes down to what we really want to do.

    Every way we can clean our body and mind from toxins is a win.

    Keep up the good work, I have faith in you.
  5. elixirmixer's Avatar
    elixirmixer -
    That's it, it's a matter of "how badly do I want to succeed". I've made some minor relapses, but on the whole I'm making some great progress. I've basically become a 'weekender' rather than an 'every f'ing morning' which is a big difference.

    As you can expect, the whole world has come against me to try and get me back on the shit but I'm just so sick of having this crap holding me back.
  6. black's Avatar
    black -
    Keep strong.

    It will be so much better for you and your family.

    Healthy body, healthy mind...... hang in there.
  7. Schmuldvich's Avatar
    Schmuldvich -
    Stay strong, buddy!

    You're approaching the hardest part!