Ayahuasca Report

[solomon levi]

I am very grateful for your sharing Dev.
So much of what you relate is familiar to me. I've experienced similar
loops and insanity with Psilocybes, and now I experience them to a degree
with philosophy and contemplation of the One. Mostly that which I have
been relating on relativity and subjectivity - that's a hell as well, a world
without any real objective meaning, definition or purpose.
You are quite courageous to go back in to that so soon after experiencing
insanity. Of course we know insanity is simply relinquishing one description
which is familiar for another less familiar, but it makes it no easier knowing that.

I've been trying to ground myself through various methods. Of course it is a balance -
being too grounded/fixed is being asleep; being too volatile is being insane. As you say,
it's an alchemical process. I'd say one of solve coagula and repetitious swings towards evolving
the soul into a more spiritual/volatile nature.

It pleases me to see your statement "the soul lost in the mind". It's an important distinction. It is
the false or temporary construct of the mind that feels fear, knowing its own impermanence.
The soul identified with the mind gives the mind a longevity that it does not inherently possess,
even into the afterlife. It is the same whether living or dead - as long as the soul does not evolve
beyond a certain frequency threshhold, the mind can maintain integrity.

Well, enough of me. Thanks again for exploring the territory and reporting your findings.

[III]

Hi Dev,

Most excellent. A wonderful experience. Every Alchemist needs to die often enough that it holds no fear because the impediments are cleared, then the real work begins. It sounds like a very worthwhile trip. Congratulations. It's groundhog day all over again and again and agian ...

[Ghislain]

Thanks Dev

Scary yet amazing,

Is this what is waiting for us when we die: insanity for all infinity.

The insanity you felt I could really relate to I am having some weird dreams at the moment very similar to what you mention.
Not the same events, but the feeling of losing it. Maybe I have been feeling your journey lol

I wonder what sanity is?

The illusive Love is the way...just have to find it now

Ghislain

[theFool]

Thanks for sharing this dev.

[solomon levi]

Dev, could you put any words to your new understanding of love?
And are there actions you will take to practice it or is it more internal?
If you don't want to word it, that's fine of course.

[horticult]

thx 4 report
i met aya also

beautiful jag
oh, these spots ;-)

[Awani]

Thanks for sharing your experience once again.....sounds pretty intense.

Intense is a very good word... definitely not a recreational drug in my world.

You are quite courageous to go back in to that so soon after experiencing
insanity.

It is true... it was not easy to go into a ceremony... many of the ceremonies were back to back, but one thing you have to keep in mind is the Shamans. Without them I would not do it at all! They are the guide through the other realms. They protect and they shine the light with their voices. Any courage comes from having them there and finding the jaguar within

It pleases me to see your statement "the soul lost in the mind".

Thanks for pointing it out. Many of my words comes from the journal I wrote the day after each ceremony... I had not thought too deep on the "lost in the mind" concept, so thanks for expanding on it. It was so horrible to experience I did not want to mentally dwell on it too long, especially since I discovered how to avoid it.

Every Alchemist needs to die often enough that it holds no fear because the impediments are cleared, then the real work begins.

Yes, as for ayahuasca there are about ten different general categories of experiences one can have like morphing into an animal etc... and one of them is death. When it happens it is a very horrible experience, but afterwards it is a wonderful experience... I kept saying to other Gringos who were there having problems "no pain, no gain"!

I wonder what sanity is?

Hard to define I guess... for me now it has always been ignorance, so most people seem insane to me. During the ceremonies insanity was being lost within myself without escape. And love/compassion was the only way out... no compromise, no judgement... only purity... like a jaguar!

Dev, could you put any words to your new understanding of love?

It is more personal... everyone has different needs in order to grow as a being... so in my case it is more of having less judgment, less fear of showing love and so on. I guess compassion is a better word than love actually... unconditional compassion. Difficult, but powerful!

Thanks everyone for kind words.

[Awani]

I forgot to say that I noticed that the Shamans never slept. They were always awake before me (I got up at 7-8 am) and I went to bed at 4 am (when ceremonies ended), and yes they were still awake. So I asked them if they ever slept. They said no. Only resting in hammocks and the like. Also for people of 50-60 years old there is not a single grey hair on them!!!

They are doing something that we are not doing here in the West, that is for sure. I think it is outlook on life + their diet of vegetarian fish, rice and vegetables. Or maybe Ghislain is right; they are aliens!

[Awani]

There are three little stories I should add to my report... during one of the ceremonies (the one where I experienced full on insanity) when the moon was full, the man next to me also experienced insanity.

He was twice my age and had come to Peru with his son. The mother knew nothing. The son was a spiritual seeker, the father average joe from a north-western state in the US. During the ceremony he suddenly started to think that the shamans were evil. That they were manipulating him. When he said Jesus name he could feel their powers go down.

At the break of dawn he packed all his stuff, asked his son to come (but the son refused) and then he left. He fled out of the jungle... later I heard he is back and ok in the US. Perhaps beginners shouldn't take ayahuasca during the full moon?

Another guy that was there was a bit of an asshole, and he behaved like an asshole even during one ceremony. The next day when he was supposed to be given protective spells by the shamans he first felt the need to apologies because he was afraid they would curse him. He somehow had both respect and fear.

Another story is I met this guy who knew another guy who was in a coma from ayahuasca. I had heard about this story as it was in all the papers, but the papers had not told the whole story. What had happened was that the guy had hired some shamans, but had been unsatisfied and fired them so they did what they normally do in conflicts: they used psychic warfare and broke his mind.

The purpose of these three tales is to show that shamans are powerful magicians and it is important to find a good shaman. Ayahuasca with a bad shaman could end up very bad. They are humans like everyone else (unless they are aliens). They are not saints. Especially as ayahuasca gains more and more exposure, more dollars are flowing into Peru... pseudo-shamans becomes a natural side-effect. Keep this in mind all of you who think about going to Peru to do ayahuasca ceremonies in a traditional setting.

But the ones I met were good ones and seemed whole. At least as whole as any person I have ever met. Maybe whole = holy?

i met aya also

In a traditional ceremony or on your own?

[Awani]

“Anyone who loves adventure, and who loves life, and who loves the experience of being, has an obligation, I think, to explore this [the psychedelic realm]. It’s as much a part of your identity as your sexuality, your ancestral history, or your hopes and fears. And to ignore it is to choose to play with less than a full deck. Don’t do that. Play with a full deck!” - Terence McKenna