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Thread: Ayahuasca Report

  1. #51
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    Yes, laughing is how they roll!

    Don’t let the delusion of reality confuse you regarding the reality of the illusion.


  2. #52
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    To be fair and balanced I post this link (from 14 Sep 2012): U.S. Teen Dies After Taking Hallucinogenic Drug, Ayahuasca, in Peru

    There are dangers, and as I have stated before one needs to use Shamans who know what they are doing. The sad thing about this is the fact that ayahuasca only hits the news if someone dies... not if someone is saved. If only they would publish an article everyone someone dies from alcohol. There would be a ban within weeks.

    Nothing in this world is risk free... you can die getting out of bed. For those who have seen the film Blood In, Blood Out I quote: "Life's a risk!"

    Last edited by Awani; 09-16-2012 at 02:35 PM.
    Don’t let the delusion of reality confuse you regarding the reality of the illusion.


  3. #53
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    “We who solve mystery, become mystery," alchemical wisdom handed down through the ages and now in the sterile men’s toilets at the Lima airport departure lounge. Scrawled, no doubt, by one of the tourists waiting out in the food court. - source
    Last edited by Awani; 08-18-2014 at 06:17 PM.
    Don’t let the delusion of reality confuse you regarding the reality of the illusion.


  4. #54
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    I am preparing for journey number three to the Amazon, and I am sure I'll add to this report when I return.

    For now I am trying to stick to the ayahuasca diet (no sugar, salt, oil, sex and more) in order to get my body ready. You also have to abstain from drugs, alcohol, caffeine and red meat but I never use those things anyway.

    Any forum issues while I am away will be dealt with by Androgynus and theFool. Major issues (like tech stuff) I'll have to do when I return... so in these circumstances please be patient.

    See you on the other side...



    Don’t let the delusion of reality confuse you regarding the reality of the illusion.


  5. #55
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    Have a wondrous voyage.

  6. #56
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    Have a nice journey!

  7. #57
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    Trip Three - report

    The first report can be found HERE, the second report HERE and the final (I think) third report follows below.

    I have now returned from my third visit with the Shipibo Shamans and their wonderful medicine Ayahuasca. This third visit is part of a larger arc of healing for me, and as with all experiences of this kind it is impossible to put it into words. Language is not enough when trying to share truths that have not been understood but beheld. This report/account is only a small fractal of the overall experience I had.

    In order to assist me I will use some images I've found on the Internet (as well as some of my own), but even so it is still nowhere close to what I saw myself... with my own three eyes. The only way for you to understand is to have your own experience, and till that day comes here is mine...


    Amazonia.

    The Amazon River wriggle like a serpent through the vastness of the Amazon rainforest. In Shipibo tradition the serpent is a representation of Ayahuasca, and unlike the Biblical tales the serpent is not a bad creature... it is the most wise and the most healing. Is then this a coincidence?



    Were the ancient shamans on to something way before modern man decided to put serpents on all pharmacies and hospitals? I think so...

    See this thread for more on this aspect (as it is another story on its own): The Caduceus of Hermes


    The Amazon River.

    The 'trip' doesn't start when you swallow the brew, it doesn't start when you board the airplane or when you begin traveling down the Amazon River... it starts when you decide to do it. Then you could also argue if you ever decided, or if Mother Ayahuasca called you... and if this is the case then it was always inevitable. Ben, the facilitator and student to one of the Maestros, said that the plant knows how many times you are going to take it. In other words it already knew the first time I went to the Amazon that I would be back two more times. And I don't know if it knows if I will go back again. Personally I feel it will be a long time before I, if ever, do it again. The teachings and healing that I have experienced have changed my life profoundly and if I ever feel the need to take another major evolutionary step I'll do it.

    Each initiation is a very personal experience, and everyone has a personal journey... for this reason it is very difficult to fully give an honest report because so many things are deeply personal and not fit for public display. But I will try to be a bit personal anyway as the story I am about to tell won't be as interesting to read if it is solely superficial. Fellow forum members sleeveless and Ghislain were also with me and I'm sure they'll have their say as well.


    The ceremonial circle where I sat, slept and fought through my seven Ayahausca ceremonies on my flying carpet.

    First Ceremony
    The taste is horrendous... the smell so foul. The medicine came on strong, and I felt tired. The nausea (the sea sickness) was deeply disturbing and a normal part of an Ayahuasca experience. Healing is also a tiresome act... psychedelics is hard and requires strength and I just felt weak. I can't do this shit anymore. Scared of falling into that insanity for all infinity experience I had two years ago. I suddenly felt that I wanted it all to stop. I vomited air and somehow the effects decreased. There were no visions, a bit of crying and some real vomit later on... otherwise pretty uneventful. I felt unfocused. My intentions had not been clear. I had not shown the correct level of commitment.

    Second Ceremony
    The moon is almost full. I needed to be strong. I focused on my intentions and how I wanted to evolve spiritually, mentally and physically. I would have to endure the sea sickness, the taste, the strong visions... the prospect of facing infinity and be beaten down by it. I began to pray repeating all my intentions. I drank the Ayahuasca. I prayed again.

    It came on strong and very quick. The lanterns had not been turned off yet. I pulled my blanket over my head and closed my eyes. I concentrated on my breathing and on my prayers. The nausea came into me, rising... but sitting utterly still, focused, breathing and praying I managed to keep the nausea in control. The colors arrived.



    The shapes. The patterns. This part of every Ayahuasca ceremony is what I call 'going through the hallway'...



    ...it is a place that feels claustrophobic, chaotic, dizzying and devoid of guidance as the Shamans had not begun their singing yet (they usually start about one hour after you drink). The subterranean world I found myself in was hard to navigate through (especially without the Icaros, the medicine songs). Hours passed it seemed, and I was holding my breath... and then slowly breathing. Keeping still, keeping the sea sickness at bay. I began to panic. Feeling lost in some weird realm of complete strangeness. Claustrophobic and repetitive. I fell into thought loops and visionary loops. This is very unsettling. Unbearable. I called for help.

    The sitter Tyler came over and I asked him to sit by my side. I'm not sure it helped. Eventually I puked. It was a nasty horrid puke (or Purge as it is called). I swore to myself that I would not do this anymore. Tyler said he had to go help other people. "When do they start singing?" "They are about to start," he replied. "Thank fuck for that!" I exhaled exhausted.

    I heard the sound of of the first Icaros slowly rising through the chaos. I crawled almost off my mattress and laid stomach down, flat out on the floor, arms outstretched towards the voice. The music was amazing. It was beautiful. In a flash all panic vanished.The subterranean world I'd inhabited kind of dissolved and opened up into eternity/infinity... into an ever expanding cosmos... into a vast beauty. Previously, two years ago, the vastness of the universe could not fit into my mind. It almost drove me insane. Now it didn't. My mind was equally infinite as everything outside it. As within, so without, as above, so below...

    I enjoyed every note and word of the healing songs, the Icaros. Every note was filled with beauty and love. Everything accelerated into a glorious peak moment. I cannot describe it, but I saw it all. Utter awe. Beauty. Love. Infinity. Eternity. I saw it all!



    The glory of the world, all worlds and I broke down! The immense beauty of this vision made tears volcanically burst out of my eyes. I covered my nose and mouth with my hand as to not make too much noise (and disturb the people on either side of me), because I was crying violently. Not out of sadness, nor happiness. I was crying out of awe from eyeing the truth of the universe: there is nothing to fear, all is eternal and infinite and all is love.

    We have discussed love before here on the fourms, and there are many types: unconditional, conditional etc... but no... there is only love. Pure, true love cannot be questioned. It is, it exist. It does not judge. It does not heal or hurt. It is. Like a summer breeze, like the rays of the sun... the sparkles on the surface of the ocean.

    As this truth was not understood or told, but beheld my heart burst open. Love and truth poured out into the beauty of the cosmos. Again what was without was also within.



    This was the most awesome experience I have ever had. I was so grateful. With this truth all my intentions (my prayers) had been answered. Words does not do it justice, but I have tried.

    The rest of the evening I was just rocking out to the Icaros. Really dancing/digging every note/beat. Especially this particular icaro: Ikaro de Pinon Colorado by Maestra Maria (this is a mix with modern beats but the only version there is that I could find online). It made me go into ecstasy, so amazing. The best concert I've ever been to. And not only that the Icaros also entered into some of my muscles that ached and massaged the pain away.

    I also saw my star child body, or astral body.



    It was truly a magical night. I went through hell in order to reach heaven, and once there I saw/heard/experienced the greatest show on Earth.

    Third Ceremony
    The trinity had started (meaning that we'd do three ceremonies three days in a row, with no days to rest in-between... this is very intense). I had learned a lot from my previous ceremony so I imitated my techniques; praying, staying focused, breathing and so on and so forth. I managed to ride the waves.

    I was rocking back and forth to the Icaros and I focused all the shit into my stomach. All the negativity of the past and present, all the hurt I've suffered, all disappointment, all anger... everything... I channeled it into my stomach. The Icaros was charging me, empowering me. I glowed, the star child awoke. The indian warrior emerged. Power surged through me.

    All the darkness filled my gut. When something negative in the past surfaced in my mind I condemned it: "get the fuck out of me"... "fuck off"... Finally I purged it all out. It was a deep heavy vomit. The most foul tasting disgusting vomit I have ever tasted. All the bad energy was in that vomit, and now it was in my bowl. I called Tyler over to get me a fresh bowl. I could not have that vomit anywhere near me as it contained all the negativity and dark energy of my life. I wanted it out of my presence.

    I splashed my face with water. I was sort of baptizing myself. Purifying myself with water. I laughed when I had the thought that I should go and take a shower.

    The Icaros kept empowering me. I entered the circle. I was elected into the Indian Council of Spirit Warriors. I saw myself as a Cosmic Indian with a Star Child body mixed in... It was beautiful. Powerful.

    I felt clean. Healed. When the ceremony was finished I went outside into the glow of the full moon. All was beauty.

    Don’t let the delusion of reality confuse you regarding the reality of the illusion.


  8. #58
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    The Fourth Ceremony
    Having had the same intentions for all the previous ceremonies, and feeling healed, I wanted to change shit up a bit. I asked to have a private audience with Mother Ayahuasca and I also asked to be taught the secrets of the Icaros. This was a very foolish thing to do...

    After drinking the horribly tasting Ayahuasca I always have to go through an hour (that seems to be many hours) of hell, nausea and confusion... then when the Shamans begin to sing the Icaros I am alright. I can navigate and receive the teachings and healing. But this time the Icaros didn't help at all. It didn't work. They annoyed me. Disturbed me.

    I began to panic. I wanted everything to stop. I began to resist, which is a very big mistake to do. I was getting the unsettling thought that I had asked for too much. I was in psychedelic hell. This night was a copy of that hellish ceremony I had two years ago.

    If what I was experiencing was the afterlife I would not want to die. I called Tyler over. I could not be alone. I wanted to go outside. Talk to someone. Feel normal again. Tyler got Ben (the facilitator and Maestro in practice). He sat with me. Coached me back into a calmer state. I don't know for how long but it felt like ages. I was so sad that I hated the Icaros, that I had insulted Mother Ayahuasca, that I had failed to keep my heart open... that I had resisted... that my thoughts did not stop, my mind could not stop thinking... I was in utter despair. I had puked, twice, also and the foul after taste did not leave my mouth, no matter how much I rinsed it with water.

    But Ben helped me to position myself in a positive position (having your head in your hands for instance is a negative position), helped me to breathe, clear my mind. Assisted me in smoking a Mapacho (sacred tobacco) in order to get the foul taste out of my mouth. It helped a lot. I had calmed down. I felt a little better. Then Maestro "The Bear" came to my mattress and began to sing to me.


    Shipibo Maestro "The Bear" holding a bottle of the sacred brew.

    His song cured me of the panic, and unlike two years ago I felt I had handled this HELL much better. I told Ben he could leave and go help someone else. I swore I would not drink again. After having two wonderful ceremonies it felt so bad to have had such a shitty one, but later I understood that I had seen all the negative sides of my personality. So it was very helpful. My intentions for the night had been very arrogant. I had asked for things I was not yet ready/worthy of. I had also been physically tired, feeling very weak.

    The Fifth Ceremony
    I drank a little less Ayahuasca this time. I still felt weak and tired... scared... the taste had also become a big problem. So hard to swallow.

    The night was fairly uneventful. Mainly I thought about things, processed my teachings, my healing and listened to the beauty of the Icaros. Although I didn't drink a lot I could still feel the effects quite strongly, but not as strong as normally which was great. I was so thankful for this. At the moment the current level of experience was all I could handle.

    I saw my Star Child / Star Body again, I saw my strengths. A good calm night.

    The Sixth Ceremony
    "I'm writing this in the toilet. The 6th ceremony is in full process. I'm almost down, but not yet. Love. Love changes everything. LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING!" - 11 Sep 2014
    I drank the same amount as the night before. I had also decided that I would keep my eyes open this time. I did this to avoid entering that hellish hallway I mentioned earlier, and when the Icaros began I would close my eyes and somehow skip the hard bit.

    It worked, but when the Ayahuasca really got a hold of me it no longer mattered if my eyes were open or closed. I entered a magical realm.



    There were lots of beings there. I was surrounded. I kept forgetting that they weren't actually physically there. I managed to separate myself from my own brain, and I was talking to myself. A very weird feeling. Not like normal talking to yourself, but actually being separate from your own mind and conversing with it.

    I felt sick and dreaded to vomit, but I knew I would have to eventually... no fear, only love... It was beautiful. I felt like a child playing in a magical kingdom.

    I saw some demons, some whispering inside my ear... trying to attract me towards the dark side.



    But love changes everything. Previously I had said "fuck off" to these negative energies, now I forgave them. Love is pure. Forgivness is power. I cried. I saw my life and how it could be actually lived. With love and forgiveness nothing negative can touch me. I puked.

    It was one simple barf. It was dry. It didn't even taste anything. Very strange. Perhaps it didn't taste bad because everything I purged had been forgiven unlike previous nights when I had condemned and damned the shit that I purged.

    One intention I had even before arriving in the Amazon was to stop my addiction to nicotine, and it was after this very purge that my addiction seized. Anyone who has tried to stop smoking knows that the body craves it... but my body didn't crave it. I had purged it. I was clean.

    Forgiveness is so powerful. Whatever someone does to me I will forgive them. This truth that I have beheld changes everything for me. Without writing a biographical epic let me just say that, for me, this changes everything. Makes me very powerful, unstoppable, peaceful, stress free and unified.

    The Seventh Ceremony
    I drank the same amount in the final ceremony as in the previous one. I turned to the girl to my right and said in response to us both cringing at the disgusting taste of Ayahuasca: "We don't have to drink anymore!" And happy I was for this as I could not drink anymore. It tasted so bad. So horrible.

    I laid down. I could feel the sea sickness arriving, but not too much. No visions came. No colors. I did not seem to cross over. I sensed this was because it was finished. I had made it. I had learned all I needed to learn. I was as healed as I could be at this point in time. But there was a small thought that was haunting me...

    An idea, deep in my mind... an idea I did not like one bit... and something that I had never ever done before, and never thought I could do...

    "Maybe you should drink another cup?"

    For a long time I wrestled with this idea. This was why there were no visions, I had not drank enough. But I was also satisfied and did not feel I needed any more visions or experiences. I should just lie there listening to the Icaros and enjoying myself. But I started to understand that it had not been a question... it was a command.

    "Maybe you should drink another cup!"

    It was inevitable. It was not about if I should drink, but you will drink... I placed my face in my hands. "My God... I have to drink more." I informed Tyler I wanted another cup and this really scared me, because now the information was out in the open. Now there was no turning back.

    He led me, like a sacrificial lamb, into the center of the Maloka.


    The roof top of the Maloka (the Temple).

    I was given a cup with Ayahuasca. I sat for a while. I could not do this. I was ready to inform everyone that I had changed my mind. But eventually I drank. It was horrible. Once back on my mattress I felt somewhat pleased with myself that I had managed to do two cups in one night. I had managed to overcome the horror of drinking it. But another idea surfaced in my mind...

    "It was finished!"

    There would be no more visions, no effect, no more teachings... because just as I had felt at the beginning of the night; it was finished! I laughed.

    The rain broke out heavily. Strong winds blew into the Maloka. It was a marvelous finish to the seven ceremonies.

    When the ceremony was closed I was still awake for several hours... suddenly feeling quite smashed...

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    • There is nothing to fear
    • Love is strong
    • Forgiveness is power
    • Everything is infinite
    • Everything is beautiful
    • Don't pollute yourself
    • Magic is real

    I spent the following week relaxing in Panama...



    Last edited by Awani; 06-03-2015 at 02:06 AM.
    Don’t let the delusion of reality confuse you regarding the reality of the illusion.


  9. #59
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    Thank You for sharing this amazing experience/healing/wisdom/love dev, and Thank You Mother Ayahuasca.
    Love Truth Wisdom

    117

  10. #60
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    Very good to hear about your ceremony experience, I'm glad you were able to go back
    Art is Nature in the flask; Nature is a vial thing.

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