I have been a spiritual pilgrim all my life, and many times I got utterly lost... but in the last 7-8 years I have been moving on a fairly straight line and I have settled in on a path that I know (for me) is the "right" thing to do - and I would rather die than not "do it". My initiations and work with some of Earth's greatest teachers (the plants) have changed everything for me. More than I have ever said in these forums.
I can recall a time in my life when I viewed love as pain, sometimes I even looked down on it... I saw it as a weakness. The greatest power was revenge, power and domination. There was almost joy in dreaming up ways to destroy someone that deserved to be destroyed. It felt good. It made me feel strong. But looking back it is so clear to me that I'm almost ashamed. When I was like that I was weak, and in total submission of what some call the "dark side". There is nothing of value there.
I notice that there are those that think there is something cool about the dark side... or some that cannot get rid of anger, hate and revenge in the mind and in the heart. I am not saying that I am 100 % complete or enlightened, but I have gone past the point of no return.
"Even if you lose yourself in wrath for a hundred thousand years, at the end you will discover, it is me [the Divine Mystery], who is the culmination of your dreams." - Rumi
I have also noticed how controversial, offensive, annoying and insane a State of Unconditional Love is to a lot of humanity (I've even seen it here in the forums over the years). And I understand why there is this view, because when I held such views I was an ignorant cunt. LOL.
The dark side is easy. Fear. Hate. Anger. Easy.
Love is hard in the beginning, because love is in the closet. It might seem it is respectable or acceptable, but it is not. It is highly controversial. Jesus was murdered and 2000 years later what he preached is still a secret of sorts. Superficially a lot of humanity knows that we should be kind and compassionate, but knowing is not enough. And we talk about knowing a lot here in the forums. To know. But it is not enough. I can only speak for myself.
For a long time now I have known, but now I am going to BE. I've put it off for too long and since my Easter Mass Ceremony I have felt lost... lost in my own inability to go "all in". But I have to. For me it is the only sane, logical, respectable and intelligent thing to do. Like Gandhi said: be the change you wish to see in the world.
Why is a person that tries to live like Jesus/Buddha/Krishna a madman? Why is he a crazy person? Why do people judge such men (and women)? I think because deep down they know that they too should BE love. Not make love, not feel love... BE love. In such a state the greatest power will be achieved... a power that cannot be explained... it can only be experienced... and everyone can experience it.
I am not going to become a Guru or a Preacher or a Prophet... I am not going to join a cult. I am not going to convert to a certain religion. I am going to BE love... and of course I will fail and stumble, but in the past few years I have found a balance... and I do stumble less and less. One day, perhaps, I will be fulfilled utterly in this Becoming... and simply dissolve into the Ocean of Love that is this eternal energy that we all live inside.
When I was initiated by the Bwiti in Gabon, in December of 2012, I was given the name: Awani Na Koudou
My Bwiti baptism (that's me sitting in the water).
Awani is in Bwiti mythology a very wise old leader of their people who invented all their rituals and ceremonies. She was the embodiment of wisdom. Na Koudou means turtle, and the turtle is a symbol of wisdom because it does not have any stress and moves slowly forward. The Bwiti say that "the only stress is death", by which they mean that nothing in this life is worth becoming stressed about since the only thing that can happen is that we die - which we all will anyway.
The reason I was given this name is because in one of the main visions I had, I was greeted by Awani who held an orb that contained The Light... and she gave it to me... and I have been walking towards it ever since. By calling myself Awani (which I am still called by my friends in Gabon) I don't imply that I am called that because I have all the wisdom. It is simply an amulet, a reminder, a talisman and a blessing to always remember that which I deeply know.
Alchemy Forums is ten years old this year and for me it is time for a major change on a personal level, and this has to be reflected in the forum as well, which in a sense is an online diary for me.
So dev is DEAD. And as you might know I have always placed aat the end of my posts... but even that won't do anymore. It does not represent Awani, because this current Avatar does not hide behind shades or tries to look cool.
You can call me Awani.
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Originally Posted by Awani
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